Absence

Dear Friends,

I must apologize for my absence, I have been in Africa administering skidplates for the needy.

I will schedual another goup session as soon as possible.

Dr Tech.

A quick Q&A session

Welcome back friends,

It has been brought to my attention that there have been a number of questions about particular aspects of the Freestyle condition, the following section is a selection of such questions being answered.

Dr. Tech, what can be done about the vision impairment related to late and early onset F.A.D. (Freestyle Affected Dementia)? Namely, the field of vision being restricted to the area of the afflicted's feet.

At the Institute for Freestyle Therapy (IFT) there has been a break through with regards to neck brace technology; the procedure involves fusing an old skid plate to the back of th neck, stopping the effected individual's head from being able to look at their feet.

Will you possible be appearing in the blog in pig-tails?

No, as it is my duty as a skate-physician to serve for the greater good of skateboarding, not pander to your fetishes.

Dear doctor Tech, I suffer from a severe ollie deficiency and I suspect it might be freestyle related.. is it treatable?

There is hope for you yet, extensive therapy may be required, a course of double-kicked decks, ground up and injected into your bladder every day for 2 months, coupled with a foot brace to help break the habit of pressure flip addiction.

Dr Tech - why is it I can't do an ollie-kickflip after 10 years of practice? And why oh-why CAN I do a ollie 360 flip, ughm, I mean "tre-flip"... stationary (of all things)?

This problem can be explained by a phenomenon knowns as space-walk hunch, where the body develops a quasimodo-like hunch back severely impairing the ability of the sufferer to get with the times, unfortunately it is a characteristic solely linked to late-stage freestyle and is almost always fatal.

whenever I'm mentioning a kickflip or some other ollie flip trick to a skater I say "Ollie Kickflip" could this also be freestyle related

Yes. What you are experiencing is classic 'Galing', whereby as Freestyle begins to spread to your brain it causes what are known as Trick Grammar Shifts (TGSs) where the synapses formed in the language centre of the brain become distorted and degrade, causing uncontrollable ocd like symptoms such as the "ollie kickflip/classic flip" couplet which is a classic presentation, this particular facet of the disease is useful in staging of the disease with initial infections showing sufferers making the distinction between heelside and toeside rail, when the infection is established it spreads to all areas of skate lexicon and by the late stage it has become aggressive, actively correcting those around the sufferer attempting to draw others into his infection, but usually just alienating those around him/her

I'm more likely to do a shuvit than pop shuvit. is this a symptom?

This is more likely to be a symptom of laziness than Freestyle. But if you continue to be worried I can send you some more detailed leaflets

I have the obsessive desire to catch my board side ways and land in rail stand on any flip trick, Is this possibly a symptom of the deadly Freestyle?

This is a bit of an ambiguous symptom usually as it can also be a symptom of just not being able to flip the board correctly, the key to this diagnosis is that you referred to the landing as rail instead of primo, this is indicative of initial freestyle infection and as such I highly recommend seeing your doctor to get tested as a matter of urgency..

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No doubt there will be more questions in the future and sessions like this can be held on occasion, just be sure to remember that we are all here to support each other through these dark days.

Dr. Tech

Suspicions & Initial Symptoms

Dear Friends,

I am glad you decided to return, in order for everyone to be comfortable within the confines of these sessions I wish to start at the very begining of Freestyle infection, I know some of you will be all too aware of this, but I feel it is important that we are inclusive of those who are new to such a difficult experience. So please pay each other the respect you derseve whilst we run through the initial symptoms of Freestyle.

Freestyle, like many other afflictions has a number of symptoms that are associated with it. If you suspect that either you or a member of your family is a Freestyler you may wish to look for the following signs:

• Longer socks than usual
• Shorter shorts than usual
• The appearance of skid plates
• A peculiar reverence of such names as Cameron Martin, Hazze Lingren or Troy Sliter (a complete list of symptoms of reverence can be found in my book "Pogos and Other Symptoms; Diagnosing Freestyle")
• The incessant correcting of the use of trick names. A particularly prevalent example is: "Primoflip? you mean railflip, it's only a primo if you are sliding"
• The appearance of pad like growths on the shins
• Particular amusement will be derrived from the phrase "Shane Rouse, Oceanside '86"
• Continual references to a Swedish summer camp they didn't attend.
  

If the person in question exhibits any combination of these symptoms then I recommend they get tested immediately, so that treatment and staging of this particularly devistating disease can begin as soon as possible.


- Dr Tech

Dear Friends

Hi, my name is Dr. Tech, you may remember me from such skate health initiatives as:

• SFFF (Safe Freestyle is Fun Freestyle)
• Shinpad Transmitted Rashes - A Parents Guide
• So, You're a Member of F.I.S.T

As you are visiting this help session it is pressumed that you or a loved one has tested positive for freestyle. Over the coming sessions we will be looking at coping strategies to minimise the impact Freestyle and Freestyle-related activity has on your day to day life.

Methods of discussion will include:

Case studies
Q&A sessions
Do and Don't strategies e.g: DO be open with your family and friends about your Freestyle. DON'T become a paedo.
Role Play
Creative workshops

I hope you will feel comfortable enough to explore your Freestyle turmoil, torments and experiences in this safe environment in the future.